Well butter my crumpets and call me a Hilichurl – I nearly choked on my Paimon-shaped toast when miHoYo announced they're pulling the plug on Genshin Impact for PS4 this September. That's right, my trusty old PlayStation 4 that's seen more Abyss runs than a sleep-deprived college student during finals week is being put out to pasture. I mean, come on! This console carried me through Mondstadt's wine festivals and Inazuma's thunder tantrums, and now it's getting the boot faster than a treasure hoarder spotting the Traveler. Guess my plastic companion's joining the ranks of dial-up internet and flip phones in the museum of outdated tech. 😭

Honestly though, can we blame miHoYo? Since 2020, Teyvat's exploded like a overloaded Pyro slime – new regions popping up like mushrooms after rain, nearly 200 quality-of-life upgrades (bless that artifact loadout feature), and enough characters to fill the Jade Chamber's guest list twice over. Remember when we thought five-star characters were rare? Now we've got leaks about Flins the Electro polearm user and Aino joining the roster in Version 6.0, while my poor PS4 wheezes trying to load Liyue Harbor's lanterns. The irony? Just as Natlan's volcanic landscapes loom on the horizon, my console's becoming about as relevant as Timmie's pigeons in a combat event.

The shutdown's got more phases than a weekly boss fight:

🗓️ The PS4 Expiration Timeline 🗓️

Phase	Date	What Happens	My Emotional State
Store Removal	Sept 10, 2025	Vanishes from PlayStation Store	Mild panic, searching for paper bag to hyperventilate into
Update Freeze	April 8, 2026	No more new content patches	Crying into my limited edition Paimon plushie
Purchase Delisting	Feb 25, 2026	Can't buy Genesis Crystals anymore	Frantically spending leftover Primogems like there's no tomorrow
Full Shutdown	After April 2026	Login completely disabled	Building shrine with discarded DualShock controllers

MiHoYo claims it's due to "hardware limitations and platform application size" – corporate speak for "your console's older than Zhongli's contract disputes." They're not wrong though; trying to run Fontaine's underwater ballet on my PS4 sounds like a jet engine preparing for takeoff. The migration process? Starting December 17th, they'll let us bind accounts through prompts (probably accompanied by tiny violin music). All purchased goodies transfer to PS5, but let's be real – convincing my wallet to upgrade feels like negotiating with the Raiden Shogun's puppet.

What stings most isn't losing access – it's knowing I'll miss out on:

• Late-night co-op sessions with friends still clinging to their PS4s

• That satisfying thunk of trophies unlocking

• The nostalgic hum of my console sounding like an overworked windmill

So here's to you, dear PS4. You were there when I first glided off Starsnatch Cliff and face-planted into the dirt. You endured my rage-quits during Spiral Abyss 12-3. You faithfully rendered every single one of Barbara's "Let the show begin!" animations even when I spammed it annoyingly. As I backup my save data and wipe dust off your vents one last time, I'll whisper what every abandoned console deserves to hear: "May the archons have mercy on your thermal paste." Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go hug my DualShock controller while listening to Dragonspine's melancholy soundtrack... and maybe start saving for that PS5. 🌧️🎮